Lesson 8 is about producing something you imagined in your mind on on film or on your ccd… Given that if this image is what you had in mind than you’ve done well. Of course there is always room for improvement.
Obviously the first problem here is the very odd cropping. I assume there is something in the background that you didn’t want in the frame. If that’s the case change where you are shooting from. These giant white bars on either side of your subject are terrible.
You shot these at very high ISO as well. Notice the amount of grain in the image. An image like this shouldn’t have too much grain. It should be soft. Grain like this adds an unwelcome edge.
Again the high ISO is because there probably wasn’t enough light where you we’re trying to shoot this. The solution would be to move to a location with more light or add your own artificial light.
The vignetting that you added in the last image while nice looks a bit too heavy handed. The vignetting that occurs within the lens (the effect that you are simulating) is never this strong. As such it feels like too much.
The poses you got from your model are quite nice and the model herself looks to be very comfortable. She looks like flapper girl.
One thing I would suggest is allowing your viewers to see her eyes.
I like that you’ve tried to do something special with this image and I see what you’re trying to do.
Next time just try to control your environment a little better. Use more light. Lower ISOs and let us see eyes (ideally with some kind of catchlight in them).
Here is an example of what I mean:
[attachment=0:xjz2l81t]lesson 8 flapper girl.jpg[/attachment:xjz2l81t]
photo by lulieboo
Note the eyes and the overall softness of the image.